I've spoken many times about TV shows I like, one of these is called The Apprentice and I'm enjoying it very much again this season. It's what you'd call a reality TV show, it's very well edited and put together. I was just thinking and reflecting about my performance at work today. I sometimes get feedback but I don't get it all the time. And although I might be a harsher self-critic than my colleagues, it would be good to be able to see myself and make some adjustments as I go along to make sure I'm hitting the right note or chord with people. I guess this is a luxury only people on the TV have as they work.
My main point is we sometimes get too close (or too into) to a subject to be able to pull back and see the effect we have on others - or see the knowing glances and smiles between others that give away what they think (rather than what they don't say). Picking up on these clues is very difficult when you're in the thick of the action.
My natural inclination is to observe and interject when I feel I can contribute, which sometimes makes me invisible in a room full of large personalities. At school and even now, when I feel the need to speak up in a room full of people I feel a certain nervousness or rush of adrenalin that makes my heart beat faster: I sometimes end up saying something different to what I was thinking because in the distance between my brain and my mouth the logic behind my point gets muddled as the words come out and I can hear what I'm saying rather than hearing what I'm thinking. Does any of this make sense?