It feels like this year has gone by and nothing has really changed on the surface and then again under the surface change has been happening. My daughter is 11 years old in six months and I’ve certainly noticed her becoming more of a young person. My son is 8 and he is becoming more mature in his thinking and is getting physically stronger.
When I talk about the status quo I am really referring to the fact that I haven’t changed jobs and we haven’t moved home. The change of home is becoming ever more an urgent requirement and I’d really like to progress that this year, even if nothing happens to my job. I said pretty much the same in the autumn of 2009. That’s quite depressing in of itself.
I have a feeling, nothing more than that yet, that something is about to change for me on the work front but I can’t quite put my finger on what will happen. I don’t feel able to be proactive on that front though, which is worrying me inordinately.
I hope a house move will help to shift me from this depressed feeling. I’m not clinically depressed yet, I don’t think, but I do feel like I am on a gentle slope down and not sure how resilient I would be if I got a few knocks. I think this feeling is probably what a lot of other parents feel who have been married for 10 years and have children who are getting older: in other words, I think it’s the Middle Age Malaise. Admitting I’m middle age is bad enough but the fact that it doesn’t feel wrong or out of place as a description of me is even worse. Definitely need to feel differently about this age thing…
2 comments:
Aw, you are still so young! I do see how a bit of stasis on the home and work front can dampen your spirits, but there is no reason to believe that this year won't be one of great and POSITIVE change!
LB: Thanks so much! I think this year will be a full one.
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