Having young children is great fun most of the time and sometimes the enormity of being a parent who your children love and "look up to" just hits you in a wave that almost knocks you off your feet. I love my kids dearly. My son might be showing some symptoms that are known as Asperger's Syndrome. It's hard to tell and at his age its even harder, since he hasn't started school yet. I was talking to a person recently who I mentioned this to and she told me about a relation of hers with the syndrome and it hit me for six, to think about my son being a young man and how it might affect his life. Part of me thinks that my son's behaviour might not be this syndrome and that it's related to diet or his age and just being a boy. How much do I know about myself at his age? Maybe I was like that?
There is some evidence to suggest this is true. I remember prior to joining school not wanting to sit down and do writing. I wanted to play all the time, I had no interest in doing writing exercises. My older brother was lauded as being more intelligent than I was at school. My mum told me recently she had asked my teachers when I was started school to stop showing me work done by my brother a few years earlier - I had no idea about this until she told me. I also heard that my mum didn't really know how to handle the fact that I was so not like my brother, who was always very studious. There were times at school when I was just not interested at all and played around and got into trouble. It was probably very embarassing for my parents now I think about it. Even now I am drawn so much more to things that interest me than other things I should probably be doing. My teenage school days weren't great for me. I didn't like the authoritarian ethos and I feared the teachers, I withdrew into my shell a bit and I think it made me distrustful of others. I was also a very self-conscious teenager and had poor self esteem. So if my son does have something, perhaps he has just inherited this from me. Even so, I don't think I've done too bad in life - I have a beautiful wife, two adorable kids and a good job. So I can't say it has been a severe setback in my life.
We're hoping to have my son assessed by a professional, who can help us to take the right approach to schoolwork and life in general to help him as best we are able to. It's the not knowing that I find troubling.
6 comments:
How close is your son to being in school? I wouldn't fret too much about it if he has a few years to go. Even if you get him assessed it might put even more pressure on you and your son...There is no comparison when it comes to kids.. we were all at that age behaving in different ways.. How is he behaving that has you concerned..?
I know with Mr.Giggles he has the same temperment as I did as a child at the same age. It will pass as it did with me. Patience and guidance and love will show him that he isn't all different from other kids his age...Sometimes I think parents put too much emphasis on the disability and not the child..if that makes any sense...I certainly hope that its nothing serious..
The good news is that you are finding out that this is a possibility early and there are more and more treatments for Asperger's than there were 10 years ago.
Hopefully he is perfectly fine, but if he does have Asperger's, it isn't the end of the world as treatments can work really well.
FW, I don't understand what makes you think your son would have Aspergers. And when you talk about yourself it doesn't sound like you'd be a candidate either! If you feel uneasy, of course have your son assessed. I'm just curious I suppose at what is leading you to think that something is wrong.
Babybull40: I know what you mean, its easy to read too much into certain normal behaviours in children.
Rachel: The spectrum of Asperger's is very wide and I don't think he's a severe case - IF he has it. There are strategies now for coping that weren't around years ago - he would just need a supportive teacher.
L.B.: It's not necessarily that he ticks all the boxes for Asperger's but he does exhibit some of the commoner traits - however, he's 4 and I think its too early to say anything for sure. One particular health worker has put this idea to us but I don't trust her judgement too much personally. His main traits are an obssessively narrow interest in one thing, love of routines and the familiar at the exclusion of trying new things, and not recognising the usual social boundaries between different families. It's a question of extent I think because these are not untypical traits with young boys.
When I was a small person, my Mother asked a doctor how she could get my nose out of books. He replied: "Madame, 99% of queries here are how to get children INTO books"
Just go with your son's nature without needing to define it.
We already recognise in our children that Jack will love books and Lucy won't although this does not effect us doggedly trying to interest in her bedtime stories every night.
If he does have a syndrome, so what, he is still your son. Just continue on doing the brilliant job that you are doing.
FW: Sounds like you are going into testing with the right amount of scepticism. People are so quick to want to put labels on children now. I am no expert, but your son sounds like a great many other 4 year olds to me.
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