Putting the Squeeze on

I like English mustard. Give me a plate of roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, peas, runner beans, baby new potatoes, roast potatoes, carrots and a small knob of mustard on the side of the plate for my Sunday lunch and I feel like a King. Something is happening lately in the supermarket, normal things that usually come in jars are going squeezy. Like English mustard, for example. Like Marmite, for example. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm no luddite when it comes to squeezable condiments: I have entertained squeezable Heinz ketchup bottles at my table and squeezy Heinz salad cream. I've even pushed the boat out and bought squeezable Hellman's mayonnaise. My wife bought squeezable Marmite into the house and within weeks was complaining that you couldn't tell if the jar was empty or not. The plastic squeezy bottle is the same colour brown as the usual glass bottle variety. An inherent design flaw but at least with the glass jar you could see how much was left and scrape the last dregs out with a knife.
I fear squeezable mustard is one step too far! Let's look at the facts:

• it's hot, so you don't want much of it, you can get a sort of head-rush if you take too much in one go (kind of pleasant sort of pain though, once in a while)
  
• dipping a knife into a jar is a nice, clean and easy way to take all the mustard you want
• no, no, no and NO!

If I wanted squeezable mustard (I don't), I would buy French's American Mustard (I don't). Occasionally, about once or twice a year I have a really strong desire to eat a hot dog loaded up with ketchup, mustard and onions. And over the years I've bought French's American Mustard because each time it's long enough inbetween for me to forget what the taste is like. No offence to my US friends, but it is foul. I like Dijon mustard, so I'm not completely biased towards English mustard. Incidentally, my wife tells me a story that she had a friend load up a hot dog with English mustard in the same quantity as if it were American mustard and to save grace ate it all: then threw up! I'd like to try a good hot dog in the states to compare with what I get over here. I wonder if French's American Mustard is anything like real American mustard. I like the mustard at MacDonald's, that must be American mustard right? I like their mayonnaise too. Oh boy, now I'm hungry again! All this damn food talk!

Postscript: I couldn't find an image of squeezy Colman's mustard on the web. Actually, they don't seem to have a website, there's a Unilever one but I think they should give each product it's own site: for the fans if nothing else!